Precious Human Existence

Yearning to Love Again

I ran into someone recently I hadn’t spoken to for a while. Years ago, almost a decade now, I hurt him. I didn’t mean to and have thought about him ever since. I have always felt we were just right for each other and now, more than ever, I would love to regain his trust. I thought letting him go all those years ago was the right thing for me, for us. And I still think it was. It wasn’t our time. Seeing him again, finding myself searching for a reason to speak to him, be near him, look at him, made me realize how strong my feelings had been and how much stronger they are now. We didn’t date long, but it was intense. I could see in his eyes that he was wary of me—maybe untrusting? I want to take his face in my hands and tell him I’m sorry I hurt him; I want to reassure him that I’d never hurt him again if he’d consider round two. But, I didn’t…or couldn’t. And I suppose I can’t promise there will be no pain, no sacrifice. We are at different places in our lives: I, a full-time, single mommy while he is still living out his late twenties, unattached. Is it selfish for me to want him to want me? Do I even deserve his affection? Probably not. But, I want it so badly. I want him. Such an amazing feeling—one that I haven’t felt in a very long time…So, tonight, as I wish upon my star, I pray for him. That I may hold him one more time; that he will once more look at me and see nothing else but the look of yearning in my eyes for what I know could be pure magic…I pray that he lets me love him. Just give me a reason, just a little bit’s enough. Just a second; we’re not broken just bent and [you] can learn to love again.